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My Past life with Sliders

Dream, Dream, Dream

Author Preamble:  “I should never write a food review story when I am hungry and I am a recovering vegan”!  Claude

My Past life with Sliders 

Ladies and Gentleman, I have a dream. (With apologies to Rev. King.)

It’s a good dream, probably one of the best! (The exception being the dream where my pants drop around my ankles, during  an Anthony Robbins Fire Walk and I am wearing my Sponge Bob Boxer shorts! Betcha didn’t know they’re flameable, too ;-)

It’s late morning in July of 1983, about 95 humid degrees in New Jersey. I am beginning to get hungry as I travel on Rte. 280 outside beautiful Bloomfield, New Jersey when I have an Epiphany, a Revelation, a Vision of epic proportions. Actually, just a helluva good idea. Here it is; it’s time for some Sliders.

Ed Note: What is a Slider you ask? Think of a 3 square inch hamburger that is a quarter inch thick with 5 holes inside it like a donut. It’s covered with fried onions and is placed inside one of your Grandma’s soft and chewy white bread dinner rolls. Gloppy yellow cheese is optional. In other words, New Jersey Health Food. Hey, it has onions on it!

Today, it seems like every restaurant, bar, bistro and grill are offering sliders, from appetizers to main courses. I have even seen these puppies in high end restaurants and in the freezer case at the grocery stores. Suddenly everyone is discovering sliders. Sadly though, they are truly missing an experience by not enjoying them while driving! 

I digress.

I think I have about $10 or $11 in change in the ashtray, under the floor mat and between the secret seat crevasse in my lovely maroon Ford F-100 Pickup Truck (with no A/C, BTW). Eureka!! It’s even better than I hoped. I discovered $12.56 and 3 old cheese doodles, which I eat. (Hey, I said I was hungry.) Yes, a virtual goldmine. 

I cautiously pull up to the drive thru blue and white window and order 8 with cheese, 7 without, 6 fries and the requisite diet beverage. Hey, a fellow has to watch his figure.

Will that be all, Sir?

Yes, Ma’am. (I truly am not worthy).  I am handed the large white warm bag with the familiar blue logo and carefully place the delicacy on the bench seat as I hand over massive amounts of pennies, dimes, nickels, quarters and the occasional Peso.

Now begins the munch journey! The first Slider out of the bag is steaming and the delectable yellow cheese drips on my white shirt and new tie. Oh well, my clients will understand, after all, this is New Jersey and all I have to do is explain that I stopped for some Sliders, as is the custom. When in Rome…………

The first one is gone in 3 bites, ergo the name Slider. True connoisseurs squish 2 or 3 together (I do not recommend this while driving). This famished 18 year old, at one time, could eat them in one bite (also not recommended  unless you have a co-pilot passenger who works as an EMT and who is versatile in the Heimlich Maneuver.

I am suddenly awakened from this fond memory trance as I glance down at my dinner; Large Romaine Lettuce Salad topped with Cold Lentil Beans, Hummus and Tofu.

A guy can always dream!

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